I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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