btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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