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Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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