3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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