my mouth tastes like poor choices
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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