Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize