Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize