i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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