Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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