Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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