Well douche your snatch and let's go!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
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you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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