I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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