I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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