# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize