I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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