covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
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i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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