yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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