She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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