I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize