conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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