The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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