Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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