you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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