my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
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I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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