one might say we're banned from that church
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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