I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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