We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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