did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize