I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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