I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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