I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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