He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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