You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize