she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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