Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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