Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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