The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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