i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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