so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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