laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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