I hate all girls vehemently.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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