so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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