if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize