I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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