she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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