just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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