I cannot find my penis.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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