remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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