I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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