So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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