party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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